Balance is hard, isn’t it? Balancing your diet, balancing your work/home life, balancing your time, balancing on one leg – it’s all difficult. Especially when you’re single-minded, like me. I become so focussed on one – or sometimes, at most, two – things that rest kind of…falls by the wayside, I suppose. At least, until I pick up that thread again and drop all the others.
Rather than giving each of my threads a share of the love – my writing/editing, my blog, my videos, my reading, my work life, my social life, my diet, my marriage and family life even – I’ve got a terrible tendency to let one dominate whilst the others cower terrified in the corner of my mind, scared to come out in case they are cut off at their base and given up on entirely. A few weeks ago, my blog was the dominant one and not much else got a look in. This week, it’s been my diet (started Slimming World again on Monday, albeit online) and reading (I’ve done a lot of that in the past few days).
I always used to think that this was a time issue – I haven’t got the time to do all the things I want to do, so I have to pick one to focus on. I tried scheduling but it never works for me and that’s because ultimately, it’s not a time issue. It’s a personality issue. I’ve got a one-track mind. No matter how hard I try to balance everything, my hobbies and passions will come in waves. I like to think of it as a rollercoaster of focus and once I reach the top of the current climb, I’ll find myself hurtling away from my need to read all day towards whatever thing takes my fancy next.
I’ve always found it quite frustrating. I want to do all of these things, and at the beginning of each rollercoaster climb, I wonder to myself why I haven’t been writing/reading/whatever for the last however many weeks, and then I kick myself – because I have had the time to do these things, I’ve just chosen not to. And then I try to change myself, try to force balance upon things that do not want to be balanced.
But the truth is, when my rollercoaster is visiting another town, another passion, another hobby, I just don’t have the motivation for anything else. Or more likely, the inspiration. Whilst I’ve read voraciously this week, I’ve been telling myself you need to write a blog post, but of what? That’s the thing, you see. I know I may be neglecting certain aspect of my life, but I don’t know where to start, because my mind is so focussed elsewhere. I couldn’t write a blog post this week, because I couldn’t think for the life of my what to write about and that’s not because I don’t have ideas (I’ve a long list of blog topics I want to eventually write about) or because I don’t have the time, but because I’m simply not feeling it. It wouldn’t flow – and a lack of flow ultimately results in crap.
And d’you know what? I’ve decided that that’s okay. It’s time to stop forcing balance where balance is unwelcome, stop trying to change the way I think and the way I am. It may not be a good business decision, but it’s goot for me. It’s time to accept my bloody single-mindedness and just enjoy the ride, right? Rollercoasters are fun after all.